April…I can’t help but be reflective this time of year and good lord this year has already taken and given me more than I was ready to handle. I feel like 34 into 35 is going to be a big year of discovery whether I’m ready or not.
2023 started off with a couple of my friends losing multiple family members which is always a somber reminder of how precious time is. It then continued with the team I called home being dispersed after being with them for almost 8 years. Not to mention, I went through this early last year when my company decided to cut 30%+ of my previous position.
In the first 4 months of this year I’ve also come to realize that there are areas in my life that adoption has impacted and it’s been eye opening. Part of me feels dumb because my mom has been saying for years some of these things, but I’m just now seeing it. I know I tend to be a protected person and only let people in so close, well that all changed last year and it wasn’t until I sat down at the thought of that friendship changing did I realize, how much I let that individual into my life. It made me realize that after all this time, I’ve finally found a group of friends that feels like home. I can be 100% my authentic self, try new things and not feel judged. It’s so freeing.
I’m at a place I never thought I would be with people who understand the importance I put on family. I can finally see a future where when I lose what is most important to me, I will be okay and not thinking of other outcomes.
This year also marks 14 years out of SGM. The more time away, the more I’m able to sit back and enjoy some of the small things I used to like listening to some of the artists I enjoyed in high school. I’m able to start in some areas thinking and asking myself deeper questions than I was before, partially because I needed that time away and also because I’m faced with having to better understand myself. One thing that has been a big realization and something I’m still trying to dig through is the fact that I consider myself aromantic.
Growing up in SGM and the this world in general, I always felt off. I’ve never had a crush, had a specific type I was attracted to or been super in to romantic stuff. Coming to terms with this and having a name for it is very liberating. I can now express how I feel and if others are interested, direct them to ways to better understand. I’ve felt for a while that I fell into the ace camp but the aro thing came up more in the last 6 months. Understanding that what I might want in a potential relationship could be a QPR (Queer Platonic Relationship, still coming to terms with being okay with that name) has been eye opening.
At this point I may just be rambling. Lots going through my mind and plenty to digest. While I wouldn’t want to necessarily put all of this into such a short period of time, I’m grateful for amazing parents and friends who support me. I’m reminded this time of year of the impact national events had on my childhood and life and thankful for the steps I’ve made.
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