Three Steps Back One Step Forward

I am officially done school…at least for the semester. I must say I really haven’t wanted to post much of anything since life seems to be the same ole thing. Much of the time it seems like I am not really living here in the present, instead I am just wandering through it, hoping that I will eventually hear from God again. At times like this things can be a little dark. At times it feels like being stuck in a place where the one thing I had and could rely on seems so distant and quiet. I am more familiar with the feeling of being lost than I am knowing what it is like to watch as He moves things forward. Today was a much needed reminder and refresher that even in these long dark seasons there are some days of sunlight.

Tonight was my final for my film class and I was slightly apprehensive. While I felt that overall I was doing pretty well I was becoming increasingly aware that I am not a “gifted” director. Much of this class focused on directing. Of course already feeling like a fish out of water since I switched over to film from business, I was nervous that I might have made a mistake. At times thoughts like this would scare me since it means I would have wasted my time learning all this. Anyway going into the final tonight I was afraid I had failed my last quiz (which would have been dropped) and was nervous that this final might really lower my GPA (need a 3.0 to get into the program). Prior to this week I had been giving a lot of consideration into how I can get experience on a film set, specifically in the area of producing. Since I am a total newb I didn’t think I would be able to and that also added to my stress.

Before class started tonight an acquaintance of mine who goes to my former church (not an SGMer at all) told me he was thinking of doing a film this summer and wanted to know if I was interested in helping him by producing! Total shock there. He knows I have no experience but he said he thought I would be good at it. Well to top off how great this offer is I am also not going to be working at all this summer (besides writing and painting the house) so I will have plenty of time to devote to my potential career and hobby. This alone would have made the night a good one but it got better. After handing in my final my professor who was well aware that this was my first time in film he told me that he thought I was getting the hang of it and was doing really well. Upon looking at the quiz from last week and my portfolio I received a 95 on both. Then in a little side note my professor added that I did a very good job and was ready to go.

All of this may seem small but after being used to the feeling of floundering and being lost it is nice to get some affirmation that I am heading (at least to the best of my knowledge) in the right direction. I don’t believe in chance and the way my summer has started to work out is nothing short of God moving. While I still feel distant from God and can only hope one day we can be back to the same it is nice to know that He still cares about what is going on.

Trying Something New

Yesterday on the way home from my film class I realized how wonderful and what a blessing my parents have been in my life. Right now especially as this summer  things will be changing in my life.

This month is opening up to be an interesting one. School ends on the 18th and I couldn’t be more ready. On top of that I think I am thinking of taking the summer off from working. As I said in an earlier post I plan on spending this summer writing. I have wanted to do this for a while, but with school and work finding time got to be hard.

After talking to my mom about some current situations and discussing my financial standing for this summer she understood what I was thinking. While I like to have everything planned out and I hate change it still comes but at least this time I have been able to give it some thought. Both my parents are being extremely supportive as I seek to spend this summer following what I really want to do. It has made me realize how fortunate I am to have parents that are willing to encourage me to follow after my dreams even when others might think it irresponsible.

So as I get ready to enter this new change I am slightly nervous but excited at the same time. For me this is probably as close as I will get to throwing caution to the wind…hopefully it will eventually end in something good.